No more secrets, no more shame
Domestic abuse isn’t always visible. Many people hide what is happening to them behind closed doors because they are frightened, ashamed, isolated or have been made to believe that nobody will understand or believe them.
October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, so we’re highlighting the role that secrecy, shame and silence play in domestic abuse.
1 in 5 calls to Kent Police are domestic abuse-related, but its secretive and hidden nature means it is often unreported and the true scale is likely much higher.
If you had met me a few years ago, you probably would not have guessed that I was living in a relationship characterised by coercive control, verbal abuse, physical abuse and financial abuse.
For a long time, I did not have the language to describe what was happening. I only knew that my world was becoming smaller.
Gradually, I learned the difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt says: “I made a mistake.”
Shame says: “I am the mistake.”
Coercive control thrives on shame. It convinces survivors that they are responsible for everything that happened to them.