When someone is trying to monitor or control you, the safest thing you can do is take back control of your devices and accounts. The steps below are designed to help you stay safer without drawing attention.
Computer Safety
Modern spyware can be hidden and hard to detect, so the safest option is to use a device you can trust. If you think your computer is being watched, avoid using it for anything private. Use a safe device instead – a friend’s computer, a library computer, or a new device the abuser has never touched. This is the safest way to change passwords, look for support, or plan safely.
If you are using your own computer, make sure it has trusted anti‑spyware installed that can detect modern stalkerware (see more on this below). Keep the system updated, as outdated software is easier to break into. Create strong, unique passwords and use a password manager. Turn on full‑disk encryption so no one can access your files without your permission. If removing spyware might alert the abuser, leave the device as it is and avoid using it for anything sensitive.
Mobile Phone Safety
Phones are the most common way abusers track someone. Start by locking your phone with a PIN and/or biometric lock – avoid pattern locks as they can be easy to guess. Check which apps have access to your location, microphone, camera, or admin controls, and remove anything you don’t recognise or trust.
Turn off location services, geotagging, and ‘Frequent’ or ‘Significant’ locations. Both iPhone and Android now warn you if a Bluetooth tracker like an AirTag is following you – keep these alerts switched on.
Be aware of spyware, in particular stalkerware. It is often disguised as a ‘parental control’ or ‘phone safety’ app, but can give an abuser full access to your private life – your messages, where you are, photos, what apps you use, what support you’re seeking. If you suspect your device has been tampered with in this way, it’s important you do not try to remove the spyware or stalkerware – it could alert the abuser. Instead, try not to use the device for searching for help, or anything private. Switch to a clean, safe device if you can, and consider a factory reset, which can remove most spyware, when it is safe to do so.
If you’re leaving an abusive situation, turn the phone off completely and remove the battery if possible until you reach safety.
Shared cloud accounts are another risk. If you share an Apple ID, Google account, or family‑sharing setup, the other person may see your photos, messages, or location. Check your cloud settings and disable or unlink anything you don’t control.
If you need to make private calls or visit sensitive places, use a phone the abuser has never had access to. Ask friends and family not to give out your number – they can take messages instead.
Email Safety
Email accounts are often targeted. Create a new email address that doesn’t use your name or any personal details. Many survivors have more than one account so they always have a backup.
If you delete emails, remember to empty the trash folder so they’re gone for good. Save any threatening messages somewhere safe – they may be useful later. Turn on two‑factor authentication and use an authenticator app rather than text messages, which can be intercepted.
Social Media and Messaging Safety
If your abuser knows your accounts, the safest option is often to delete them and start fresh with a new name, no personal photos, and strict privacy settings. Only add or follow trusted people, and do not set up relationships on your profile.
Check your privacy settings regularly, as platforms change them often. Turn off location sharing and geotagging. Limit who can comment or message you, and use message filters to hide or block unknown senders.
Even if your account is private, remember that friends of friends can often see content on other profiles. A friend’s public post or tag can be seen by others, so talk to trusted people about keeping your details private.
Before posting photos, check whether they contain location data and remove it if needed. Block your abuser and any mutual contacts who might pass information on, including any alias accounts you may suspect.
Educate your children about the risks of social media – their accounts can also reveal your location or routines, so make sure they understand what is safe to share.
Avoid clicking on unexpected links or pop‑ups, as these can contain spyware.
Staying Alert to New Risks
AI‑generated scams are now common. Abusers can use voice‑cloning or fake messages to trick you. If something feels off, check with a trusted person before responding.
Check which devices are logged into your accounts and remove anything you don’t recognise. Change your home Wi‑Fi password and turn off remote access on your router. When using public Wi‑Fi, avoid logging into sensitive accounts unless you’re using a VPN.