Physical Abuse | Oasis Domestic Abuse Service
Is This Domestic Abuse?

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is usually the version of domestic abuse people picture first because it’s the most obvious and visible. It involves hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, spitting, biting, slapping, punching, hair-pulling, burning, strangling.

At first, it might be a grip on your arm that’s a bit too tight, or a shove during an argument that gets brushed off as “we were both stressed,” or a thrown object that “wasn’t even aimed at you.” Each time, there’s an explanation, and each time, the line moves a little further, until something that would have been unthinkable a year ago becomes something you’ve learned to survive, minimise, or hide.

How physical abuse erodes you little by little

Domestic violence homicide is rarely the first incident – it’s usually the escalation of a pattern that was visible long before it became fatal

Professor Jane Monckton-Smith, Criminologist and Homicide Timeline researcher

Key elements of physical abuse

Physical abuse is rarely a single event. It’s a pattern that tends to build in frequency and severity, often escalating around key moments such as pregnancy, separation, or a partner trying to leave.

The goal is control.

The cycle of abuse

Many relationships follow a repeating pattern: tension builds, an incident happens, then a period of calm or even apology follows, before tension starts building again. It’s called the cycle of abuse, and the calm periods make it harder to leave, because they offer hope that “this time it’s really over.”

Escalation over time

What starts as pushing or grabbing often increases in frequency and severity. Behaviour that would once have ended a relationship can start to feel normal because it arrived gradually, not all at once.

Strangulation and restriction of breathing

Being strangled, choked, or held down so you can’t breathe is one of the clearest warning signs of serious danger in an abusive relationship. UK research shows a history of strangulation is linked to an eight-fold increase in the risk of being killed by that partner, even when it leaves no visible mark.

Using size, strength or surroundings as a threat

Punching a wall next to your head, blocking a doorway, driving dangerously, or looming over you can be just as frightening as being hit, because the threat of violence is often as controlling as violence itself.

Minimising and blaming

“You made me do it.” “It wasn’t that hard.” “You’re overreacting.” Abusers frequently downplay what happened or shift the blame onto the victim, which makes it harder to name what’s happening as abuse.

Because the person hurting you is often someone you love, who can also be kind, funny, and loving between incidents, it’s easy to file each one away as an exception rather than a pattern.

Many victims don’t recognise their situation as “domestic abuse” until they can look back and see the pattern that led to the single worst night.

child physical abuse

The impact of physical abuse on children

Children don’t just witness it, they feel it. Children who grow up witnessing or enduring physical violence may flinch at raised voices, try to physically intervene, become the family’s emotional caretaker, or blame themselves for not being able to stop it. Even when they aren’t hurt directly, witnessing physical abuse is itself a form of harm that can shape how they see relationships, safety, and themselves for years afterward.

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The impact of physical abuse on communities

Physical abuse rarely stays contained within four walls. Colleagues notice unexplained absences, while neighbours hear things they don’t know how to respond to, and GPs and A&E staff see injuries with stories that don’t add up. Once you add up healthcare, policing, lost productivity, and the toll on survivors, domestic abuse costs England and Wales over £80 billion a year.

Physical abuse tends to escalate, and every incident is a signal worth taking seriously, including the ones that seem small.

We’re here for you.

Whether you’re certain about what’s happening or you’re still trying to make sense of things, Oasis is here to listen. Our support is free, confidential, and non-judgemental.

You don’t have to have left, or be planning to leave, to talk to us. All you need to do is reach out.

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