Jenny* never imagined she would find herself in an abusive relationship. But when she met a charming stranger on a train journey to Wales, her life changed in an instant…

“He picked up my tickets and a £10 note I’d apparently dropped in my rush to get to the train,” she says. “He carried my bags, found us seats on a crowded train and made me laugh the whole journey.”

There was an instant connection. By the time he got off in Bristol, Jenny was “hooked”.

Looking back now, she recognises what followed as love bombing.

“We spoke for four hours at a time on the phone almost every day – it became very intense very quickly.”

At first, Jenny ignored the warning signs. She remembers thinking after one early date that he probably wasn’t her type and admits that “a few alarm bells rang even then”. But she was swept up in the constant affection she was receiving.

“At first it felt lovely – I’d just come out of a long-term relationship, and it felt good to have someone paying me that much attention.”

But within months, things began to shift. What had felt like romantic gestures started to feel suffocating and frightening. He became increasingly controlling over where she went, who she saw and what she did. While Jenny worked in London, he stayed at her home and began going through her belongings.

“One day I came home and he had taken all my personal paperwork – medical records, bank details, everything – and reorganised it all in a way he thought would be ‘helpful’.”

When she challenged him, he became angry. Later, she discovered he had read her old diaries and written comments on each page.

“That’s when I started to feel like something was very wrong.”

The accusations soon followed. If he thought she looked in another man’s direction, he would become furious.

“I started walking around looking down and sitting facing walls so he couldn’t accuse me of looking at other men.”

The phone calls became relentless. He would ring her at work demanding to know where she was and who she was with. If she didn’t answer immediately, he would fly into a rage.

He also left ‘love notes’ all over the house – which from the outside looked romantic, but Jenny says these felt increasingly unsettling and her concerns about him were growing.

Slowly, her world became smaller. Friends stopped inviting them out because of his controlling behaviour and Jenny became isolated, anxious and constantly on edge – by this point, her mental health was deteriorating, and she knew something had to change.

“I was a complete mess towards the end. I just didn’t know how to get out of it.”

There were still moments where he seemed loving and kind, and Jenny found herself holding onto those. But the cycle of control, fear and manipulation continued – until her friends and family were so worried for her safety, they urged her to end things with him.

At first, he seemed to accept the relationship was over – but after a short period of silence, he reappeared.

One evening after work in London, Jenny found him waiting for her at the station. He followed her home, shouting abuse, before forcing his way inside.

What happened next terrified her

“I was on the phone to 999 while he pinned me against the wall threatening to ‘bash my brains in’. I genuinely thought I might die.”

The police thankfully arrived quickly and he fled.

After this traumatic experience – Jenny experienced a mental breakdown.

“I couldn’t understand how I had let it happen. I was intelligent, independent… why couldn’t I just walk away? But the manipulation was so extreme.”

Even after the relationship ended, Jenny lived in fear of him – he continued contacting her for months and later tracked down her new address after she moved.

“For a long time, I never truly felt safe.”

Now, almost 20 years later, Jenny says the experience still sometimes haunts her.

What she understands now – and didn’t then – is the profound impact domestic abuse can have on someone’s mental health.

“It breaks you down slowly. You lose your confidence, your identity, your sense of reality.”

Like many survivors, Jenny once believed abuse only counted if it became physical – “But I felt fearful for my life on numerous occasions,” she says. “I just shrank into myself and became compliant.”

Today, Jenny is sharing her story to help other women recognise the warning signs and understand that abuse is never their fault.

“I now know not to blame myself. It wasn’t my fault, and I now know I am good enough to have a healthy, loving relationship.”

If you, or someone you know, is in an abusive relationship and struggling with their mental health, you are not alone. Call our helpline on 0800 917 9948.

Learn more about our work with women in local communities.

* name has been changed to protect identity