Claire was just 15 when she met the man that would become her husband of 29 years. Back then their relationship was full of promise and adventure – they back packed across the world, made plans for the future and talked about one day starting a family. Life together was good.
But even in those early days, Claire recalls her husband’s violent streak flaring up from time to time. “I was young, blinded by love and he was always so apologetic afterwards,” she says. “I didn’t think too much about it.”
They spent years building a great life together and decided in their thirties, to settle down in Dover and start a family. But after a painful battle with infertility and a failed round of IVF, they gave up hope, it seemed like it wasn’t meant to be. So, they agreed to put that dream to one side and put their time and energy into renovating houses.
Accepting they wouldn’t become parents was hard
Although accepting they wouldn’t become parents was hard, they made peace with the reality and threw themselves into this new chapter of their life together. And everything was going well – until out the blue, when Claire was 37 and her husband 39, she became pregnant, naturally. Claire was over the moon, her husband less so.
“He didn’t want a baby anymore,” Claire says.
Rather than joy, the pregnancy triggered a dark transformation in her husband.
From that moment, things went downhill fast. He became increasingly withdrawn, angry and controlling.. He told her he’d opened a joint account for their finances – but it was only in his name. He refused to pay any bills, so Claire was left with nothing by the end of each month. He spent his own money on alcohol and drugs – his outbursts becoming more frequent and frightening.
Home wasn’t a safe place to be anymore
When Claire was nine months pregnant, he hit her in the face and threw her out of the car – with no money, in just the summer dress she was wearing. Thankfully a kind bus driver gave her a lift home – but home wasn’t a safe place to be anymore.
His anger only got worse when their daughter Sarah was born. Being in the house with him was increasingly dangerous and scary – he attempted to strangle Claire, threw a toy at Sarah when she was a baby, and was escorted out of shops for being so violent. Claire knew she had to do something but felt trapped.
As Sarah got older she would hide upstairs and ask if daddy was having a good day or bad day – the only place Claire and Sarah felt safe was at the end of the garden. “He never went out there. We would hide outside, just waiting for the storm to pass.”
The truth began to catch up with him
Things came to a head the following May, when Claire and 7-year-old Sarah found him hanging in their bathroom, covered in blood, after a suicide attempt. Claire managed to get him down and saved his life. The trauma of that experience, especially for Sarah, left deep emotional scars.
But even after that, he didn’t stop. He accused Claire of abducting their daughter when she took her away for a short break. One police officer said meeting him was “the most intimidating experience of her career.”
Eventually, the truth began to catch up with him. He admitted to having an affair. He was charged with six offences – including strangulation, GBH, child neglect and breaching a non-molestation order. But the fear didn’t end there.
“You have to do something to protect us”
While Claire and Sarah were in Austria visiting family, trying to recover from the trauma, he broke into their house. Changed the locks. Stole their things. Sarah turned to her mum and said:
“You have to do something to protect us.”
That’s when Oasis stepped in.
Ramsgate Police connected Claire to Oasis, and everything changed. “I honestly didn’t know where to start. But Oasis knew exactly what to do.”
With the support of Lucy, an Oasis support worker, Claire was guided through every step – from writing legal letters and liaising with solicitors to dealing with the police and understanding her rights. Lucy called every other day, ensuring Claire never felt alone.
Sarah received her own support through weekly sessions with her dedicated counsellor, Georgia. “Those summer sessions were everything,” Claire says. “Georgia helped Sarah talk, heal, and regain her childhood. She helped Sarah find her voice – and when Sarah was ready, she spoke to the police herself.”
Today, Claire and Sarah are rebuilding their lives. Sarah is thriving at school and excelling in swimming. Claire has launched a successful dog boarding business. “We finally have peace. We finally feel free,” Claire says. “But we wouldn’t be here without Oasis. We didn’t even know help like this existed.”
She adds:
“The holidays are so much worse for families experiencing domestic abuse. When school breaks up, it’s awful – you’re trapped in the house, and the abuse has nowhere to hide. My husband sat around all day, angry and unpredictable. Summer holidays were horrific.”