Are you worried about your relationship?
This may be your first experience with romantic love or sex; it doesn't mean it is the right relationship for you or how everyone else feels when in a relationship.
Signs of a positive relationship are that you feel: Happy, liked, respected, cared for, supported, free, safe, and that you are able to be yourself.
Signs of a bad relationship are when you feel: humiliated, nervous, depressed, scared, might not able to eat or sleep properly or eat or sleep too much, you might feel pressured to use drugs or alcohol. You might also feel angry, trapped, guilty, blamed and bad about yourself.
Here’s what other people said about how abuse affected them:
- ‘I feel like it’s my fault.
- ‘I’m nervous all the time.’
- ‘I get angry at everyone.’
- ‘Sometimes I feel like I want to hurt myself.’
- ‘I don’t know what to do, I feel helpless.’
- ‘I get depressed like I can’t be bothered with anything.’
- ‘I just want to tune out and forget it. Sometimes I get pissed or stoned, but that only blocks it out for a while.’
- I don’t know what to think about Mum. I love her but I just want her to stop hurting me!’
Maybe you have felt like this or maybe you’ve had different reactions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.
If you have experienced abuse in a relationship you might be worried about your parent(s) finding out that there has been abuse because you don't want them to worry or it might reveal lies you have told in the past. Worrying that your parents wouldn't understand or think you were over reacting might be other reasons you feel you can't tell them. You never know unless you let them know and if telling your parent is too difficult tell a teacher or someone else that you trust.
Out and about
If you are at the same school, collage, work place or living in the same area as the abuser this probably makes you feel worse. At the very least this means they might see the person every day, which can make life very difficult, that is why you need to tell someone so that parents / teachers can work to keep you safe. You don't have to deal with this alone.
There is a lot of peer pressure out there. For example your friends are doing something and asking why you aren't or they tell you what you 'should' be doing. They aren't necessarily right or looking out for you. Being strong enough to not give in to that pressure and hold on until you find the right person for you can be very difficult.
Not everyone that is a victim of domestic abuse experiences it first-hand, watching other family members being abused can be very painful and confusing. If you are being affected by domestic abuse at home you can get support from Oasis by using the referral routes above.
If someone you know is being abused take a look at our do's and don'ts of supporting someone in an abusive relationship.